almost every day

in the morning,
I take the doggies for their neighborhood walk.
As I round the final corner towards home,
kitty corner across the street,
there is a Haitian grandfather,
wirey and wizened,
sitting on his porch,
watching the traffic go by,
or maybe meditating, who am I to know.
I wave first. Always.
He waves back, and smiles.

Then, I know,
it's a good day, already.

it's one of those days, you know?

It's one of those days, where I actually have time to get a chunk of work done.   As in: ORGANIZE office.
FILE.   I have already covered the little things on my list, and what really needs my attention are the piles of papers, etc.  floating about.

But, I don't feel like it. 
I have shuffled a couple of things around. 

I want to curl up and read some of the books I have on my Kindle that I haven't read--which are a few.   I download one everytime I hear someone talk about a book.  Must. Stop. That.

I got to go to an afternoon Sox game yesterday, with my former colleague on staff.  We lost by one run, but the day was gorgeous, and it was fun catching up.  I realize I am such a church nerd, because I am so curious as to how others do things in their churches--we talked a lot!   In case you were wondering, I was wearing my new Red Sox track jacket which is very cute.   Jus' sayin.

This morning, I showed up at the gym at 7 am to have my training session with my PT.   He sat me down at his desk and said, "I have bad news.  I am moving at the end of the month."   DANGIT!  I really like him, and I have never had a PT before, but he has challenged me beyond my limit.  If I had been watching what I eat this summer, I might have even lost weight.   In any case,  his spouse lives in another state, and it is time for him to make that move.   I have three weeks to lose 30 pounds.   LOL.

In other news, the kittens/momma that my beloved rescued two weeks ago are growing, growing, growing.  They are between 4-5 weeks, and I could watch them for hours.   It's been fascinating watching their development from not being able to walk at all, to now when they are just learning to scamper and beat up
play with one another. 

Speaking of reading, have you read Zeitoun by David Eggers?   It was the summer reading for the high schools in my town--everybody reads it, including teachers and staff.   It is a true story of a Muslim man who lived in New Orleans through and post Katrina.   I highly recommend it.  

Well, I just looked around, and it appears that the cleaning fairy is not going to show up and help me organize my office.  Bitch    I mean, I know she isn't real. Sigh.

What about you?  Whatcha' doin'?  Whatcha' supposed to be doing? 

Friday Five: Seeking!

Over at Revgals, Jan posts this Friday Five:
I was struck in our weekly Lectio Divina group by a few verses from Psalm 105:3-4:

. . . let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually.

Seeking is rejoicing. Rejoicing comes from the seeking, NOT the end of glory, heaven, enlightenment, or whatever. Seeking is the journey--RIGHT NOW!

So for this Friday Five, list what you are seeking, whether it is trivial, profound, or ordinary--whatever you would like to share! 

So, here is my play. 

1.  Professionally, I am seeking to be fully present in my current call, but also growth in that call, or wherever else the journey takes me.  Right now, this isn't fully clear.   

 

2.  My pottery group started back today, in an amazingly gorgeous new studio.   WOW.   My project for the semester will be ceremonial ware, so I am seeking to create 3-4 communion sets, along with baptism bowls.    I am seeking inspiration for their forms and surface design. 

3.  I am seeking a housecleaning fairy that sneaks in and scrubs my bathroom and kitchen floors.   Do you know where she or he can be found? 

4.  I am perpetually seeking the perfect pair of shoes.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, every pair seems the most perfect.  ;-)

5.  I am seeking to be more mindful in my meditation spiritual practices.   To be more intentional without being dogmatic with myself.  

That's about it!

And we are offffff!!!!!!!

Well,
the program year has started with an incredible...whoosshhh.

In other words, really busy.  

I am still where I was planted five plus years ago, and getting used to having a new interim senior colleague.    This is going fine.  Different, getting used to it, fine.  As an interim situation, I suspect that I am very lucky.  

It's just not the place I envisioned being in when we moved here 6 years ago.

I  adore my congregation.  I love my work.   Don't get me wrong.    I also am very, very, very weary of the being the second pastor.   Kind of sort of ready to be in my own gig.  Have been for some time.

However, I know this is not the plan of the universe, for now, and that I am where I am supposed to be for now.

 There are times I rejoice--I love watching our children grow up--I mean, really, J is in middle school this fall???  And oh, how grown up N is!!  I am grateful that I know R's story, so that in this current transition, I can be fully, pastorally there (as best I can).....It's all really a gift, you know?

There are times I am embarrassed--that I am STILL an associate pastor (just naming it--I know better--but it is a part of how I feel)  and there are times I am bewildered.    I know the Gentle Divine gets it.  

And tonight,
As the temperature changes, and a cool breeze is wafting in the open window, I am every so humbled and welcoming of that great Gentleness.

Amen.

Elevators

Or not.
I had a dream the other night, which was fairly prophetic. 
First, it indicated the restlessness of my soul,
and it revealed the part of my ego that tells me "you haven't earned it, yet".

The other part was about the elevator.
I got into an elevator to go to the 13th floor, where my new apartment was...
and yet, the elevator went beyond the roof of the building to barely touch the bottom of a bridge like structure.   The elevator told me that floor hadn't been developed yet.  

I really needed to get to my room.   So, I went to the old elevator, which instead of going directly up, went on this circuitous path on the ground, like a cable car, winding through construction, taking forever until it stopped at another elevator that promised to take me to my room.  

The impression that I am left with is that there is no direct route, although that would make sense.   This is a circuitous journey  through construction I am on.....and it doesn't make sense or is even logical.  It just is. 

I am restless.
I am impatient on this journey. 
It is confusing and challenge and burgeoning with Question.
So much to think about in this dream.

Oh God,
bless the restlessness of my heart, and the dancing thoughts in my mind.
Amen.

Friday Five, abbreviated....

Over at revgals  Terri posted a beautiful Mary Oliver poem, which pretty much will leave you breathless--well at least, it did me.  Mary Oliver poetry= thick, gorgeous, rich, delicious, juicy, drippy, and yet perfect.

Anyway,
after the poem, she invited us to share five gratitudes.  So even though it is late in the Fry-day...I feel the need the spiritual practice of gratitude.  So here it goes:

1) I am grateful for the cloud of friends who offer love and beauty and support and depth to my life.  Whether I know you from my 20's or 30's, whether you were my mentor or teacher or student or member of congregations past and present, virtual friend, revgal, soul sister, soul brother, or everything beyond and in between I stop speechless at the variety and incredible wealth I have experienced from all of you.  Seriously--blessing upon blessing upon blessing.

2)  I am grateful for the cicadas and night sounds right now.  For the quiet of the house, for the lull of traffic, for the purrs of cats and snoring of dogs.....and the sound of my beloved busy downstairs with everything and nothing....

3) I am grateful for being relaxed in this moment--in spite of recent disappointments and impending confusions that need to be resolved, and how unsettled things are professionally in many ways.  Yes...for now, I can simply place all of that on the shelf.

4)  I am grateful for....well, one revgal is grateful for tins and plastic cr*p that make housekeeping easier, I guess I will say I am grateful for shoes.   I love shoes.  It's a weird thing, but they just make me so happy.  I am no shoe hoarder, and only wear practical ones, but still, they make me happy.  So silly, I know.

5) Am grateful for....having been raised in faith, for experiencing God in so many ways, and for now, knowing I will always rest in the arms of God.   In spite of my doubt and questions and seeking,  I always know to Whom I belong,  and that I am beloved by the Beloved.  

and lastly, so very grateful for the gentle invitation of this Friday Five.  Thank you Terri.

it's just all confusing.

I know you know what I mean.
Sometimes,
When you think you are following a path....
and
you are affirmed in a certain way,
and
informally,
you think all are on board,
and the messages get mixed....
and it all gets confusing.

Well.
Don't mean to be cryptic, because this is the kind of situation that could happen anywhere. Anytime, with anyone.

My prayer these days is to not over-react.
My prayer these days is to not feel threatened.
My prayer these days is to be strong and confident, and, in the words of my dear friend, which I am not stealing, but just embracing in the moment, is to be fierce and fabulous for Jesus.
Or at least,
believe that Jesus thinks I am fierce and fabulous...
because honestly,
sometimes I wonder.

I am a tree, with deep roots.
My roots feel a little shaken loose right now.  I am not uprooted, I am still a living tree with deep roots.
Maybe just a surprised tree--
Like, maybe how trees feel when a limb is broken off,
or a huge storm whips it around....

So,
good, great God....
please hear my prayer,
and hold me close.
Amen.