and I thought we were an inclusive bunch....

The church, I mean.
Welcome everyone?

But what happens when the ways in which we invite, greet, welcome completely leave out an entire population of people that socialize in other ways...
Those hugs, those handshakes, that passing of the peace thing?
It can be torture and misery for some...

read this: incipient turvy

please.

(untitled)

I am dismayed these days by the number of colleagues I know that have been bitten, chewed up, and spit out by a congregation or experience with a church. I can think of at least 10 in my almost ten years of being ordained. It's not just one denomination, or just newly ordained people...but, oh--my--all of them are women.
I'm not saying that in every case sexism is primarily involved...

Ah hell. It has to be part of all of it--at least a little bit. I have been in four really happy situations as ordained clergyperson, and in each community--ranging from liberal to conservative to progressive--the sneaky, seductive side of sexism, as well as obvious, overt and unapologetic expressions of sexism are clear and present. In my experience, and from what I have observed, I think women clergy have to work harder for acceptance, for trust, for respect...than male counterparts.

I love being a pastor. I know I have been extremely fortunate in the calls I have received---none perfect--but not ever miserable (or at least miserable for long).

Sigh.
I'm aware of how much congregations pin on their pastors unconsciously, and statitistics about burn-out, etc.
But right now, I just wonder...
Why do church people have to be so dang mean sometimes?
Bleh.

The Lord's Prayers...

I met someone recently who prays the Lord's Prayer every day when that person finishes showering. This thought struck me for two reasons: First, the fact that this person shared this at all, and Second, well, some people just love that Lord's Prayer so much. It's so very meaningful. For some.

Me, not so much. It's not just the language about God, it's also the hierarchical language, the power and dominion stuff--what's that called? Triumphalism?

But still, this morning, I thought I would give it a whirl on my walk with the dogs, which is when I do my best praying, these days, anyway.

It went like this, sort of...
Our...mmm Mother? Mother-Father?
mmm, o.k....
Dearest Creator,
You who abide in my heart and my body, and in this world so dear, but not far away as in 'art in heaven'....
Holy and sacred is your name, are all of your names....
May your kin-dom be real
May your longing, your hopes and dreams for me, for this creation be done.... done...
here, in this day, on this earth...
no matter what is happening in heaven. (I hope there is a heaven, or something like that, but really, it's not my motivation for being a Christian. I don't even mind the fact that maybe heaven is coming back as one of my dogs. Seriously.)
I pray that for this day that I would be nourished with what is necessary to be your person, your light...
And forgive me, dear God...for all the moments I forget I belong to You, that You are with me...and for all of the times I know I will be petty and selfish and do stupid things that I know better....and I pray for a wideness of mercy and grace and forgiveness and love and humility for others that I will meet in this day.
And please, please help me not to fall into temptation (yes, I like this part. I get it). Help me respect this wild and precious life that you have given me...so help me not squander it with all that this world tempts me with, like really wanting a Kindle and knowing if I won five new pairs of shoes from Zappos, I would definitely want to order all five pairs for myself, and even though that might not be evil,
It's still temptation. Help me be generous. And gracious, and oh yes, dear One...I pray for your protection, from that which is seen and unseen. Indeed, keep me...keep me...keep me.
For this is your amazing world,
your amazing creation...your beauty breaks my heart sometimes it is so glorious in those tiny unexpected moments...
sigh.
glory and beauty and of course, subversive, turning over the tables for the lost and disenfranchised kind of power is yours--and that is very cool, btw.....
and
may Christ be above me
may Christ be below me
may Christ be beside me
may Christ be within me
today...
Shining. (even if I screw it up sometimes.)
Amen.
(p.s. I will be back tomorrow with this same prayer, again, God...but I will feel free to check in with You through out the day...and I hope You will too--check in with me. Amen.again. )

Home-joy

last night,
I got to go to a make your own pizza party at my beautiful friend Jess' home with her hunky husband and gorgeous daughters.

The girls were hilarious because they were like little tiny Tiggers jumping up and down and down and up. Halloween is coming soon.

This is a home that is permeated with sheer joy. Kendall sang while she decorated her pizza, Darby is amazingly creative, and is going to write a book about making halloween costumes and when you ask her how school is going, she says, "it's GREAT." Darby is wise, and yet all of third grade. I am pretty sure Kendall is a sage or buddha all wrapped up in her first grade self. You can see it in her eyes.

Praise and celebration abides in this home. Praise over play doh stars and pumpkins, celebration in the mixture of a chocolate candy gummy bear dessert "salad" and cheers at the end of washing hands, and at the end of saying grace.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't a Leave it to Beaver kind of family. They have their own sets of challenges and human-ness. But they are real, and in the moment...and really, isn't that the point?

A while ago, I made a ceramic platter that says, "Grace and Plenty." If I had to give a title to Jess and her family, it would be..."Grace and Plenty."

I was full of all that grace when I got into my car to drive home last night. It was "GREAT!!"

p.s. my make my own pizza was delish. I might have to do it all over tonight at home!

thoughts...

Today when I was walking the doggies, a woman followed by middle school aged boy called across the busy traffic, "is the middle school down this street?"
I affirmed that it was indeed a few blocks down the street, and they trudged on in the brisk morning air.

The boy was, well, looking miserable. You could tell he probably wasn't going to be joining the soccer team or football team, or be the class president. You could guess that he was dreading being the "new kid" in the class in the middle of the semester.

I imagine they were new in the neighborhood. They clearly didn't have a car, because trust me, if they had, they would have been driving. I wondered if they were living in the square, or beyond.

But mostly, I just kept thinking about this kid.
I know I am assuming a whole lot, by making up his story in my head.

But the look on his face was real.
And my heart has been panging for him all day. (yes panging. you know when your heart breaks a little for something or someone--my heart physically "pangs" against my skin. I don't know how to explain it.)

Prayers...for all middle school kids who have hormones jumping all around them and feel lonely and lost and unpopular and afraid.
Prayers.
Amen.

just a quick check in.....

Once again, I have no topic, except the moment.

Today I said goodbye to recently graduated graduate student who wanted to stay here in new england, but the opportunities for this student were not emerging as hoped. She has been coming to worship for the past two years, and we have enjoyed many coffees and conversation together. I will probably not see her again in this lifetime, which is true about many of the very fine people I have met through ministry through the years. I'm not sad, I am just..reflective on this.

Facebook has helped with some really interesting reconnections. For this I am grateful.

This week I spoke with a colleague who has been in her present ministry situtation to be confirming the babies she baptized back in the day. How wonderful is that?

I pray that will be my experience, too...someday.

It is dark and rainy. I have spent a lot of time in the car shlepping back and forth to the vet for a cat getting a dental and then back and forth to work. It is 6:00 pm, and I need to get on the road now to make it back over to church in time for 7:00 pm confirmation class.

Wish me luck--the traffic is terrible.

Sending out love and fondness from my heart to cyberspace...and to you!

dream notebook

Just notes for now, will fill in later and ponder, but these are snippets of my dreams from last night.

1. At international airport. Can't find the place to check in, but am at the gate anyway. Am afraid I will not make the flight if I go to find the checkin place,but afraid if I don't, I will be arrested as a spy or something.

2. Big production happening on a stage. Orchestra, performers, etc. I am running around assisting my colleague, but I don't have a part. Someone promised me a walk-on, but I dont' know what it is or when it will happen. I end up in the kitchen looking for something, and Roberto the chef is telling me I have to tell him when the production is five minutes from being over so he can have the dinner ready.

3. I am riding in a mini with my son's fiance. (note: I have no son, therefore this is my dream son.) We are driving in very icy weather. She is slip sliding away, no clue how to drive, and all of a sudden we are sliding backwards. I ask her, "Are we sliding backwards?" "Oh," she says, "I don't know?" My mother says, "Yes, we are!" We just miss crashing with a bunch of cars and avoid rolling in the ditch. As she tries to turn the car around, two men run out of house carrying two men who appear to have been shot. There is blood spurting from one man's throat. It is silent, though. No one is speaking. I am thinking, I should tell that cop. By the time we get near the cop, he is gone. People on the street have seen this, too, but they don't tell the cop. Especially this one woman in a pink sweatsuit who is wheelchair bound. We drive back to my nephew's fiance house...or some house. I get out, and tell her I am not going with her anywhere again. She pouts and thinks I am a backseat driver. I tell her I feared for my life--she didn't even know she was going backwards. I told her she drove to fast for ice, and I was scared. She stomps off. Then, she comes back, and wants to go to lunch. I say another time.

That's it for now. Sigh. Busy mind, huh?