Tuesday, February 23, 2010

alive and dead

I've been feeling out of sorts the last couple of days. Not out of sorts in an angry way, but just in a general "walking through the fog of my life" way.

My unconscious certainly is affirming this. The other night I had a dream about a dream where I had severed my head from my body. Realizing that if that were true, I would be dead, and I didn't really intend that. So I prayed to be alive, which I was, but I still had my dead body and severed head to bury. First I buried the body. Right next to a sidewalk. Then, someone came along, so I grabbed my head, which was wrapped in a plastic bag. I had to wait for another day to bury the head, but I really wanted the head to be on top of the body, in spite of the severance. So I went back, and the ground was very hard...I scratched and scraped in the dirt, and was able to get a shallow place near the top of the body...I took the head, which now was simply the front of my face, like a mask, and tried to fit it in the spot, and cover it...I was scared to look at my dead face...and then somehow, a gardener came, and I realized the bones of my body had surfaced too, and I wanted to scoop up everything in a trash bag, because I didn't want anyone to discover the dead body and either label me a murderer (which since I was alive, I couldn't be dead) or I was worried my identity would be lost--that the dead body would be me, so then what would happen to the alive me?

I don't think I was able to rescue the bones, but after hiding for awhile, I watched the gardener plant seeds, and by the time it was safe for me to leave, there were beautiful flowing trees growing over my dead bones.

Dang. Jung would have a field day with this one, huh?

Friday, February 12, 2010

rugged greatness....

I just logged out of an online store, and they have this new thing where you can express checkout with a phrase.

My phrase was all about my rugged greatness.


But still, it sounds kind of cool. First of all, to have something computer generated that affirms my greatness sounds almost biblical. "You are my beloved..."
Maybe it is a message from God--whispering to me to remember whose I am and how much I am loved....

And rugged, well--brings to mind all of the wind-swept, outdoorsy gear from REI or Title Nine...looking great in spite of hiking 20 miles and paddling down the river for a day.

Rugged Greatness.
Meaningless and meaningful all at the same time.