Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Doggess of Love: Venus

I remember the first time I ever saw you...
Your picture was on-line...your smile and your coloring were exactly like my sheltie mix I had as a child.
I went to the shelter to meet you, and in the midst of loudness of dogs barking and crying, you came over and put your paw on my knee. You were so sweet and laid back...I wanted to take you home then, but I didn't want to make a rash decision, even though I know your time was limited. 

So, I went back the next day and sprung you from the shelter...

My Daisy wasn't exactly thrilled, and frankly, you STANKED so BAD!! 
I briefly considered finding you another forever home--only briefly though.  I decided Daisy just had to get over herself because you were, frankly a big furball of Love.  Hence your name, Venus.  Goddess of Love...
or, Doggess of Love. 

You were such a quiet dog, until my friend from Florida taught you to bark and play...and from that day, you never really stopped barking.

You loved western North Carolina, where you would bust out of the screen door if you smelled a squirrel in the forest.  You would wander the trail barking and herding squirrels.  When we would go for a hike or a run, you always would get lost in the woods chasing squirrels, ignoring my calls to come back.  Oftern, you brought yourself home when you were tired, or other times, someone from campus would find you, know that you were Venus, and bring you home.

Remember how you  would take a running jump to scramble on the bed?
Oh yes, and how you would get so close in my face and breathe that it felt like you were trying to suck out my essence.

When we moved to the city, you were very polite to my guests.  Remember the time we had a krispy kreme donut party, and my guest was holding a glass of milk and not looking at it, and you took the opportunity to poke your snout into the glass and have a sip?

Speaking of snout, remember how I discovered it was YOU that broke open and consumed the bag of pita chips that I had left in the shopping bag on the floor? Salty smelling snout and of course, the gallons of water you drank for a couple of days.   I loved kissing the top of your long snout.  So soft.

You were the best running dog, remember?  You loved to go jogging, especially at the nature park. Of course, sometimes we would give in and let you off leash. Sometimes you would get lost and wait at the end of the trail, like this:

But then there was that time that you decided to go home with another family.  We searched and searched for you for over an hour, until we saw this guy putting up signs about a lost dog, with YOUR PICTURE on it. Yep.  You were sitting in his truck, just happy as could be.   We had a hard time getting over that, you Dog of Love.

Oh, yes, and then there was that time here in Boston when I let you off leash on the greenway, and you got caught in brambles, and then I kept calling you and calling you, and you never came.  Someone at the boatyard said they saw you running towards Riverside street, so I took off, and there you were, waiting on the porch.  I am glad that you knew the way home, but dang, you could have been HIT.BY. A. CAR!!!

You loved to herd and be the boss.  Remember, staying over at Ali and Kim's, and Kenna and Bryan's?  Umm yes, you tried to herd the rottweilers and pitbulls until they sat on you.  Still didn't shut you up!  All your bossy barking...even at the park last spring when everyone wanted to play,and you could barely walk, but you still would try to command some order. .  

You were such a great sport.  In fact, you loved sports--especially Manny Ramirez when he played for the Red Sox.  Any time there was a hit, you would bark in celebration.  

You also loved your walks in the neighborhood here in Boston.  You especially loved the Sunday Night walks, which I dubbed the Gauntlet walk, because it was the night before trash pickup and every body's trash barrels were out, full of chicken bones, food scraps, mold....you thought it was the Heaven Walk. Remember that Sunday night when I didn't take you, and you decided to take yourself since the gate was open.  You trotted three blocks down the busiest street in Medford, taking in the glorious piles of trash, until some kind teen-age girls saw you--and knew definitely by your size you were NOT a stray.  They found someone who recognized you, a neighbor a street over, who brought you home.  WE didn't even know you were gone--but you were quite proud of yourself.

You loved holidays--of course Thanksgiving was your favorite (all that TURKEY!!) but Halloween wasn't bad, either.

Oh sweet Venus, Ni-Ni, Italian Border Collie ("A new breed this year in the AKC.  Especially known for their portly figure, this breed is marked by a penchant for floor surfing, herding poodles, eating anything and everything except for lettuce and carrots, and of course, a BIG smile" is what we would say about you...), Havolina-Ni-na, dear dog of Love, our Venus.  We miss you already, so, so much.   16 years is a long time, indeed....and my life, and our family's life is forever changed by your big heart of LOVE.   

Rest in peace, dear one.  Rest and run free.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Class Reunion

Surely not.
Surely not. 
It's my 30th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION this summer.
What?  Wasn't high school just like, umm, 10 years ago? 

It's been very interesting watching the plans for this reunion unfold with the help of facebook and email.   (I should add that I have never once been to a high school class reunion.  Not that I hated high school, but I just never really wanted to spend my precious summer vacation visiting with people I haven't seen in a million, errr, 10-20-30 years...).

This weekend, the planners sent out a list of everyone in the class, and their emails/phone numbers/addresses.   Two of our class have died since 1981.  And there are a healthy handful of those whom there is no information--yet.

I trolled through the list, trying to remember the faces of the names...wondering about those whom I had no clue...thinking of them, their families, their children, their lives....all grown up now. 

30 years?

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Thank you for your love and prayers.
RevGirls and friends just ROCK.

When I go into a tailspin, I tend to spin in, you know? Hunker down, curl up, whatever.  So...

Thursday, I had a little bed party.  It was the perfect day for it because it rained and rained...and what is better than a whole season of Weeds to catch up (or whatever you haven't watched for a long time for mindless t.v.), a little knitting project, intermittent naps, and at least four dogs and a various cat or two joining you in your little bed pity party.  

Friday, it was time to GET. OVER. MYSELF.   Knowing, that yes, having my feelings is important...but not to let them hold me hostage. (Goodness, I think I actually learned something from all those years of therapy!)  So I hauled my ass out of bed, and dragged it to the pottery studio and my Friday Friends, who were supportive and loving, and I got to make stuff.  Lovely.   Then, home to walk dogs, clean house, and join my beloved at a function for her work--even though I didn't feel like it, I did it.  Oh, and yes, I made an appointment to see my mental health specialist on Monday.

Saturday was a family day.  I still was checked out of work, which was good.  A little mini-leave of absence is good.

Thing is, I know all these things happen for a reason, and that ultimately I will receive a welcome, and not all rejection.  I am a little scared that might not happen..but all I can do is trust. And know that I am called, and the Mystery and wisdom of God will prevail.  Or, at least, I have--with faith, with friends, with family--what it takes to get through it.

amen, amen, and amen.
(but, hey God, still not done ranting.........)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Ranting and yelling

I have experienced some rejection this week. Some, I didn't really care about, and the other, well, put me in a tailspin. Didn't see it coming in the way that it did, although the "no news" was indeed beginning to look like bad news.

My friend, who knows and has lived this to the core, says "let go, let God". She doesn't say it glibly and it doesn't roll off her tongue...she lives it authentically.

However, last night, I just had to have it out with the Great I Am. And I did. Yes I did.
I screamed out a lot of frustrated, hurting, angry, confused words...with a whole lot of profanity laced throughout. And in a way, that was letting go....and letting God.

I am letting go of all of this to you...
And I might have some more letting go to do before I can fully rest in You...
But I will say this,
I'm glad that you welcome storming your gates...
Because there are still a few more storms in me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

trusting in God is hard.

When all is silent,
the future incredibly uncertain,
when one is waiting
for what is to be,
hoping that what is to be is nearer
rather than more distant,
grasping hope,
lurching toward strength
when one feels weak,
not the one who navigates,
at all....
trusting God is hard.
but really, all there is Trust.
and Hope.