Thursday, December 16, 2010

Pay It Forward

My friend Terri  is participating in a handmade gift in a "pay it forward" project. She then is paying it forward by  sending something handmade to three blogging friends. I am the first on the list!!

But I am not going to wait for Terri's gift (she said it will take 365 days).....So now I'm going to pay it forward. I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on this post requesting to join this Pay It Forward exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days; that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. Are you game?   I hope so!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

lost ornaments...

So, this weekend we got a fresh tree and pulled out all of our Christmas stuff, and began decorating.

We haven't done this since the move to Boston.  

This year, though, I just needed a tree.  I needed to have our home festive.  I needed the presence of extra lights and memories and love....

I put the pipe cleaner elves on the potbelly stove-pipe--the ones I made with my 6th grade homeroom when I was teaching...I hung white lights from the porch outside and stuffed red eucalyptis in the tree.  What fragrance!

Beloved has a boatload of ornaments...her mother was totally into Christmas and showered her children with ornaments from around the world.  Some of them are probably 50 years old--very retro. It was a blast marveling at them.

In my family, we didn't have special ornaments. --we usually hung lights and tinsel and those shiny balls.  The only ornaments from my childhood that had meaning for me were a little shrinky dink bird and a personalized brass piano--both gifts from my piano teacher. 

I looked forward to discovering them and placing on the tree.  Happily, I hung my meager collection from my 20s and 30s--gifts from children and friends, some of my own choosing....just waiting to find those two oldest ornaments from my childhood....

They didn't turn up. At. All.  I loved remembering them, but some how they didn't make it to Boston.  Honestly, maybe they didn't even make it out of Florida, where I lived before seminary. 

I felt a pang of sadness...they were gone...
And yet, the pang passed as I realized I didn't need the object...
the memory of their "specialness" had lingered...
and now, every year when I decorate, I will think of those ornaments, gifted to me as a child,
treasures, really,
when ever I place ANY ornament on the tree. 

That's the thing with gifts, isn't it?
It's not the actual gift, the physical thing...
but the love and goodness that come with them that is everlasting.
Forever more and evermore. 

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Doggess of Love: Venus

I remember the first time I ever saw you...
Your picture was on-line...your smile and your coloring were exactly like my sheltie mix I had as a child.
I went to the shelter to meet you, and in the midst of loudness of dogs barking and crying, you came over and put your paw on my knee. You were so sweet and laid back...I wanted to take you home then, but I didn't want to make a rash decision, even though I know your time was limited. 

So, I went back the next day and sprung you from the shelter...

My Daisy wasn't exactly thrilled, and frankly, you STANKED so BAD!! 
I briefly considered finding you another forever home--only briefly though.  I decided Daisy just had to get over herself because you were, frankly a big furball of Love.  Hence your name, Venus.  Goddess of Love...
or, Doggess of Love. 

You were such a quiet dog, until my friend from Florida taught you to bark and play...and from that day, you never really stopped barking.

You loved western North Carolina, where you would bust out of the screen door if you smelled a squirrel in the forest.  You would wander the trail barking and herding squirrels.  When we would go for a hike or a run, you always would get lost in the woods chasing squirrels, ignoring my calls to come back.  Oftern, you brought yourself home when you were tired, or other times, someone from campus would find you, know that you were Venus, and bring you home.

Remember how you  would take a running jump to scramble on the bed?
Oh yes, and how you would get so close in my face and breathe that it felt like you were trying to suck out my essence.

When we moved to the city, you were very polite to my guests.  Remember the time we had a krispy kreme donut party, and my guest was holding a glass of milk and not looking at it, and you took the opportunity to poke your snout into the glass and have a sip?

Speaking of snout, remember how I discovered it was YOU that broke open and consumed the bag of pita chips that I had left in the shopping bag on the floor? Salty smelling snout and of course, the gallons of water you drank for a couple of days.   I loved kissing the top of your long snout.  So soft.

You were the best running dog, remember?  You loved to go jogging, especially at the nature park. Of course, sometimes we would give in and let you off leash. Sometimes you would get lost and wait at the end of the trail, like this:

But then there was that time that you decided to go home with another family.  We searched and searched for you for over an hour, until we saw this guy putting up signs about a lost dog, with YOUR PICTURE on it. Yep.  You were sitting in his truck, just happy as could be.   We had a hard time getting over that, you Dog of Love.

Oh, yes, and then there was that time here in Boston when I let you off leash on the greenway, and you got caught in brambles, and then I kept calling you and calling you, and you never came.  Someone at the boatyard said they saw you running towards Riverside street, so I took off, and there you were, waiting on the porch.  I am glad that you knew the way home, but dang, you could have been HIT.BY. A. CAR!!!

You loved to herd and be the boss.  Remember, staying over at Ali and Kim's, and Kenna and Bryan's?  Umm yes, you tried to herd the rottweilers and pitbulls until they sat on you.  Still didn't shut you up!  All your bossy barking...even at the park last spring when everyone wanted to play,and you could barely walk, but you still would try to command some order. .  

You were such a great sport.  In fact, you loved sports--especially Manny Ramirez when he played for the Red Sox.  Any time there was a hit, you would bark in celebration.  

You also loved your walks in the neighborhood here in Boston.  You especially loved the Sunday Night walks, which I dubbed the Gauntlet walk, because it was the night before trash pickup and every body's trash barrels were out, full of chicken bones, food scraps, thought it was the Heaven Walk. Remember that Sunday night when I didn't take you, and you decided to take yourself since the gate was open.  You trotted three blocks down the busiest street in Medford, taking in the glorious piles of trash, until some kind teen-age girls saw you--and knew definitely by your size you were NOT a stray.  They found someone who recognized you, a neighbor a street over, who brought you home.  WE didn't even know you were gone--but you were quite proud of yourself.

You loved holidays--of course Thanksgiving was your favorite (all that TURKEY!!) but Halloween wasn't bad, either.

Oh sweet Venus, Ni-Ni, Italian Border Collie ("A new breed this year in the AKC.  Especially known for their portly figure, this breed is marked by a penchant for floor surfing, herding poodles, eating anything and everything except for lettuce and carrots, and of course, a BIG smile" is what we would say about you...), Havolina-Ni-na, dear dog of Love, our Venus.  We miss you already, so, so much.   16 years is a long time, indeed....and my life, and our family's life is forever changed by your big heart of LOVE.   

Rest in peace, dear one.  Rest and run free.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Class Reunion

Surely not.
Surely not. 
It's my 30th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION this summer.
What?  Wasn't high school just like, umm, 10 years ago? 

It's been very interesting watching the plans for this reunion unfold with the help of facebook and email.   (I should add that I have never once been to a high school class reunion.  Not that I hated high school, but I just never really wanted to spend my precious summer vacation visiting with people I haven't seen in a million, errr, 10-20-30 years...).

This weekend, the planners sent out a list of everyone in the class, and their emails/phone numbers/addresses.   Two of our class have died since 1981.  And there are a healthy handful of those whom there is no information--yet.

I trolled through the list, trying to remember the faces of the names...wondering about those whom I had no clue...thinking of them, their families, their children, their lives....all grown up now. 

30 years?

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Thank you for your love and prayers.
RevGirls and friends just ROCK.

When I go into a tailspin, I tend to spin in, you know? Hunker down, curl up, whatever.  So...

Thursday, I had a little bed party.  It was the perfect day for it because it rained and rained...and what is better than a whole season of Weeds to catch up (or whatever you haven't watched for a long time for mindless t.v.), a little knitting project, intermittent naps, and at least four dogs and a various cat or two joining you in your little bed pity party.  

Friday, it was time to GET. OVER. MYSELF.   Knowing, that yes, having my feelings is important...but not to let them hold me hostage. (Goodness, I think I actually learned something from all those years of therapy!)  So I hauled my ass out of bed, and dragged it to the pottery studio and my Friday Friends, who were supportive and loving, and I got to make stuff.  Lovely.   Then, home to walk dogs, clean house, and join my beloved at a function for her work--even though I didn't feel like it, I did it.  Oh, and yes, I made an appointment to see my mental health specialist on Monday.

Saturday was a family day.  I still was checked out of work, which was good.  A little mini-leave of absence is good.

Thing is, I know all these things happen for a reason, and that ultimately I will receive a welcome, and not all rejection.  I am a little scared that might not happen..but all I can do is trust. And know that I am called, and the Mystery and wisdom of God will prevail.  Or, at least, I have--with faith, with friends, with family--what it takes to get through it.

amen, amen, and amen.
(but, hey God, still not done ranting.........)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Ranting and yelling

I have experienced some rejection this week. Some, I didn't really care about, and the other, well, put me in a tailspin. Didn't see it coming in the way that it did, although the "no news" was indeed beginning to look like bad news.

My friend, who knows and has lived this to the core, says "let go, let God". She doesn't say it glibly and it doesn't roll off her tongue...she lives it authentically.

However, last night, I just had to have it out with the Great I Am. And I did. Yes I did.
I screamed out a lot of frustrated, hurting, angry, confused words...with a whole lot of profanity laced throughout. And in a way, that was letting go....and letting God.

I am letting go of all of this to you...
And I might have some more letting go to do before I can fully rest in You...
But I will say this,
I'm glad that you welcome storming your gates...
Because there are still a few more storms in me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

trusting in God is hard.

When all is silent,
the future incredibly uncertain,
when one is waiting
for what is to be,
hoping that what is to be is nearer
rather than more distant,
grasping hope,
lurching toward strength
when one feels weak,
not the one who navigates,
at all....
trusting God is hard.
but really, all there is Trust.
and Hope.


Monday, October 25, 2010


I will admit it.
I have completely wasted the better part of this morning of my day off.
I am feeling sluggish and uninteresting and fat (due to the fact of eating cold pizza and coffee for breakfast).  I woke up when my beloved left for work, early, and then laid in bed and watched morning t.v.--while playing with doggies, kitties, napping, reading facebook, napping, with a quick jaunt outside to get the recycling out.  Finally at 11, I forced myself fully vertical,
and upstairs to my office to repair my harp to take over to Cambridge so a grad student can play it for a few weeks.  
Instead, I sat down and started reading blogs, which is, imho, catching up with friends...
but is also fairly passive.

The past couple of weeks have been extremely full (but whose aren't, really?)...I am just kind of in that momentary sluggy spot.

So, after I post this,
I really am going to take care of that harp,

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fair Week

So it's our Fall Fair week...and it's my favorite week of the program year.  The people who sort for the gigantic flea market prepare lunch everyday--someone brings a homemade pot of soup or chili, and we all sit down and gab at lunch. The book sale people fill up the sanctuary with books, and people have been baking apple and plum pies to sell, and in short, the church is full of her people all week long, and I get to hang out with them as much as I want.

I love it. Love, love, love it.

But I need to work on my sermon now....and since we are having a fire drill on Sunday for safe church, plus an extended moment for mission, I have about four minutes to preach on the lectionary.  How the heck can I do that?

Friday, October 15, 2010

just more stuff...

the flag discussion went well. There were feelings about the aesthetics of the building being compromised, others thought it was so pretty, everyone believed in the message. Some people didn't even NOTICE it!!!  For some, a flag, any flag has so much power...and to hang just one, and not the UCC flag, or the state flag, or the American flag felt, well, wrong....I am not a big flag person in that way, so I just have to respect the sentiment. 
Anyway, they decided to send the issue back to the facilities commission to find a way to hang it differently so that it didn't mess up the aesthetics....maybe a flag pole or something.  Until then, it will stay where it is, and when it moves, it will be more visible.

I am so glad for this...because the current climate of homophobia has expanded, with DADT, with gay teen suicides, and abuse...I want our congregation to show that we are not only welcoming, but a safe sanctuary full of love and hope. 

This weekend (Saturday and Sunday, one night) three of us are taking some of our youth to Monhegan Island, Maine.  We will spend the night in....(Clyde? somewhere close to the dock)...and then hire the mailboat to take us over in the morning to the island to explore.  In Sunday School they have been talking about sacred places and altars and one of the teachers talked about Monhegan.  So, the kids wanted to go and see it. we go!  It will be brisk (hah, read COLD) but fun. 

So, nothing really important...just trying to write--whatever these days.
I will get back to deeper things...
Just for now, I am being present to my moment.

Holy One...
Singing in the cool wind,
Humming in the traffic out my window,
Whispering in the quiet of my office...
you are here.
Thanks be to God.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Can't believe I haven't checked in since September...
Lot's of unbloggable but good stuff going on...
plus, dang, it has been busy around here, more than normal.

I really hate it when people say they are soooooo busy, so I guess I should delete that.   Mostly, I don't like it when you  ask someone how they are doing, and they say, "busy".  Aren't we all busy?

Maybe I am just cranky because I have had this horrible headache all day that advil hasn't touched.

Back to checking in.  I am having a great fall---made even better by vacation last week!!! Three days of unstructured time to get stuff around the house done plus read and make pottery.  Then Thursday-Sunday we took a little trip to Rehoboth Beach Delaware which was so great.  Ahhhh, the skies were blue, the ocean gorgeous, the Dogfish Brewpub delicious!!!  Oh, and there was a Greyhound Rescue convention, and there were tons and tons and tons of Greyhounds walking their people oh so elegantly and quietly.  Heaven--so many doggies! If we didn't currently have five canines.........

I read a couple of books---one by Jon Katz, who writes books about his dogs, and sheepherding.  "Dogs of Bedlam Farm."   I enjoyed it, because, oh, I love dogs.  He's a decent storyteller, but when he is being profound, he isn't so...profound.  But still, good.   I also read The Bible Salesman by Clyde Edgerton (spelling?).  It was over before it really got started.  A little dissappointing, imho, however, entertaining in its own way.   I did NO PROFESSIONAL READING WHATSOEVER.

So, today, my first day back....lots of emails, little fires, whatnot.  Council meeting tonight, where I will talk about why I hung a rainbow flag from the portals of our church.   I guess we have a policy about no flags, but no one was around this summer to ask, so I just did it...and...well, you know.   I thought it would be a great "marketing" tool--Straight people look for GLBT friendly churches, too...and a flag is a pretty obvious invite to extravagant welcome.   Should be interesting!!

Well, that's it for now. Just a quick note so my blog doesn't disappear!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Program Year Has begun

So...last weekend was our big Regathering weekend...choir rehearsal, Ice Cream Social, teacher orientation, first day of Sunday school, oh and worship. Everything seemed to go well and I was really excited for the great turnout for ss and worship. It was great having everyone back...and it was the first day that my colleague was back from his summer sabbatical.

I know he is glad to be back, too... I will miss preaching every week, though. I won't be scheduled again till late October.

I'm taking the morning easy...acquainting myself with my new iPad, (birthday gift), cooking, walking dogs, etc. I will go to the office around 1:00 since we have council tonight. Once I go to the office I like to stay over there (it's a 30 minute traffic filled commute. I can get email and stuff done at home in the morning.

Today I am thinking about the future of this ministry profession...and if the church can transition into being Christian in a post-Christian era. I've been reading lots of Tony Robinson lately.

What are you thinking about?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

feeling the love this morning....

Just a couple of thoughts swirling around my head with no point....

My congregation was very sweet this weekend--they surprised me with a tribute to my ordination anniversary...and a darling birthday card and birthday cake and present!  It was very moving and touching.  Of course I cried...and not so easy to get up and preach with sniffly nose and red eyes.  But, pulled it all together.

I had delicious pizza on Sunday night--it was a flatbread pizza with butternut squash sauce topped with blue cheese and carmelized onions.  I guess for some it wouldn't be pizza, but I loved it. 

Yesterday was a crazy kind of day.  Just lots of stuff to get done this week after procrastinating all summer. (My bad).   When I got home, I just felt anxious and restless and we tried to watch a movie but I couldn't get I crawled into bed at 8, with a book, and read a few pages, and went to sleep.   This morning, all is good.  I guess sometimes we just get like that.   Am glad that my beloved can be understanding and gentle when I get into that place, which isn't all that often.

This morning, in fact, I just feel Love. Coursing through my heart and my blood and my bones.  Love.  God-with-me Love.  And...I am grateful.
Help be be that Love today.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Friday Five

Over at RevGals, Martha is pondering storms and Hurricane Earl. Thus the following questions!

1) What's the most common kind of storm in your neck of the woods?

I guess nor'easters, snowstorms, and hurricanes

2) When was the last time you dealt with a significant power outage?

When I lived in Raleigh, there was this huge ice storm that pretty much debilitated the entire triangle. It was winter, and cold.  I lost power for three or four days, but some people were out for over 2 weeks. 

3) Are you prepared for the next one?
If it happens tonight, ummmmm, not so much. But, I do have a flashlight, candles, and a bottle of wine!

4) What's the weather forecast where you are this weekend?
Hurricane Earl will visit me on his way up to Martha's in Maine!

5) How do you calm your personal storms?Usually by talking to someone who can listen, asking for help, asking for hugs, praying, singing, and breathing.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

still balancing...

I am still yoga-ing...been at it for three weeks, and have managed three times/week (unlimited card for this month).  Still working on the balance, which is slightly better, but still I tippy toppy and fall, a lot. 

Did you know that September is National Yoga Month? 

So, in class, we will be exploring our chakras through different asanas.  Today was the root chakra, the color red.  To strengthen this chakra, is to work on balance--being rooted and grounded.  The primary issues with this chakra are survival and fear.

Huh.  Survival and fear do twine through my life at times, and I think at this time, no differently.  I am looking at a situation in my ministry where all the writing on the wall points to me making a move before next spring and budget issues are faced with reality. On the other hand, I can't imagine, sometimes, being somewhere else, let alone moving to a different community.  (Most open positions right now have parsonages attached).  Obviously, we won't leave the Boston area, because Beloved still needs to be able to commute.  But then, this hinders the radius of searching.  I'm not feeling all that confident, because truly, this all comes down to a God thing, and I trust and fear, all at the same time. I have no control. But with time feeling like it's getting shorter, well, the breath gets a little shorter, and my balance a little off, and I search for control, although I know that it is more productive to give it over, breathe into the uncertainty, and breath out, reaching out to God, to crawl into her hands, and hold me.

Tomorrow, I celebrate my 10th anniversary of ordination.  What an amazing day that was---I can't really describe it.  All of my parents came from North Dakota to North Carolina, two of my sisters--one from California and one from Colorado made the journey, and friends from seminary and Florida all came.  We shared dinner together on Friday, went hiking on Saturday morning, played all afternoon, had dinner again on Saturday night...all of my friends loved one another. Even though they were all so different!  The ordination was during worship (which I had to finagle a little), but we had african inspired drumming for the processional, lots of feminist prayers and tears and laughter.  The affirmation of my call to ministry from my friends and family, and new church community was overwhelming and tender.

Remembering that day offers me some inner balance.  Remembering that day reminds me that I am called, and born to do this work of ministry, and God will lead me through these next months, no matter what happens.  And perhaps, in all of this, I will indeed grow grounded enough to balance on one leg, and even fly.


Friday, August 27, 2010

RevGalFridayFive....Back to College!

I haven't played FF in a gagillion weeks...but here I am today!
Martha writes over at RevGals,

Yesterday I returned my middle child for his second year of college. He's an experienced dorm resident, having spent two years at a boarding high school. In the lounge at the end of his floor I found a suite of This End Up furniture that took me back to my years in the Theta house at William and Mary. I remember polishing that furniture with my sorority sisters every spring, just before we headed off for Beach Week at Nags Head.

Mindful that many others are heading off to further schooling or delivering their loved ones to the institutions that provide it, here are five questions about dorm life.

1) What was the hardest thing to leave behind when you went away to school for the first time? Well, I had a car wreck a couple weeks before I was to leave for school, so I had to leave my car behind.  Other than that, I think I had everything I wanted or needed!

2) We live in the era of helicopter parents. How much fuss did your parents make when you first left home? The year, 1981.   My dad was busy with harvest, my step-dad busy with harvest, my mom wasn't all that empowered yet,  and so my youth director offered to take me. Basically, no fuss whatsoever.  I was the first in my family also to leave the state for school, but as I remember, I was pretty independent, too.

3) Share a favorite memory of living with schoolmates, whether in a dorm or other shared housing. Wow. So many.  My first year, I shared a "townhouse" with one bathroom and seven first year women.  It was crowded, but really fun.  Then, the second  year we finagled renting a house from a professor on sabbatical.  I remember many a night we would pop in Olivia Newton John's "Let's Get Physical" work out tape, complete in our leotards and legwarmers.  Oh, and boxes of wine in the fridge!  I then transferred to another school, and made friends with an amazing woman, who would be my roomie,  who taught me all about social justice, sojourners, keeping neat, and we shared a love of deep dish chicago pizza and fast scrabble.

4) What absolute necessity of college life in your day would seem hilariously out-of-date now?  An electric typewriter.

5) What innovation of today do you wish had been part of your life in college? Laptop computers, first year transition experience/classes, the internet, and netflix.

Bonus question for those whose college days feel like a long time ago: Share a rule or regulation that will seem funny now. Did you really follow it then? Both schools I attended were evangelical and conservative.  One had a no playing cards rule, both had a no dancing rule, and of course, no one allowed alcohol on or off campus.   I think they have both host dances now.  Ummm. Did I follow the no drinking rule?  Please. Just not on campus. ;-)  

Thanks for stopping by!

Friday, August 13, 2010


A few weeks ago I started suffering from excruciating pain in my lower back--nothing like I have experienced before.  In fact, I even went to the doctor.  According to her, my disc is smooshed, and the best thing to do for it was gentle stretching, advil (although she gave me something for pain, and a muscle relaxer if I needed) and short walks during the day.  All of that helped, although I didn't think it would.

It's still...a little achey sometimes, so I decided that since the stretches worked, and they were yoga stretches, that I should go to yoga classes.

It just happened that this month, a former colleague of my beloved opened her own yoga studio, Floga Yoga.  So, went this week, on Tuesday, for the first time.

I was a little anxious.  I asked Tiffany, the owner, "this will be a beginner class, right? "   She assured me all the classes were beginner, with some challenges.

Tiffany is a great teacher. She has her own style, and oh, did I mention, that during the class, during certain poses, she comes and massages your shoulder or your neck with a cooling oil?  Pretty darn cool. 

Well, that day, I was already the fat girl in the class, with three thirty something mommies that obviously were in fabulous shape.  Plus, when have done yoga in the past, I slip all over the mat, so I wear these socks  plus biking gloves on my hands (I am an extra sweaty person) so I can hold poses.  So, now not only was I the fat girl in class, I was the nerdy fat girl with weird accessories who sweat all over the mat.  I was drippin' while everyone looked lithe and limber.

So, one of the things that Tiffany likes to work on is balance.  HAH! I can't stand on one foot to save my life...and I kept falling over.  I just kept cracking myself up, and then I was hoping I didn't distract anyone.

In spite of being self conscious, I had fun.  The mommies were not judgemental (just me on my ownself).

I went back yesterday. Falling all over the place, sweating like a...I don't know what sweats more than me.  I was still the fat nerdy girl with black socks on.  Tiffany did some crazy poses...and one I just thought I couldn't do, but everyone else was trying, so I tried, three times...and the final time, I sort of managed.  Everybody clapped.

Now I am the class mascot, too. OY!

But seriously, I have been thinking about balance, alot.  I know that balance is about core strength, physically.  As a metaphor, I am thinking about my inner core strength, and balance, in my inner life.  In my outer life, I think there is pretty good balance, but I think I have been ignoring the inner life somewhat. 

So, balance is going to be something that I am going to work on....strength...
so I can stand on one foot, and be aware of the strength and balance within...
I offer this as my prayer today.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


I'm working on "noticing" more, just for the noticing of it.
I've spent the past few days in a lot of traffic, going to and from work and to meetings and beyond....
Since the radio doesn't work in the car I typically drive, there is only time for my thoughts to wander to the outside world, outside my car door.
This is what I have noticed, in no particular order:

1. It feels better to just give in to Boston Drivers.  Instead of letting their bad habits fuel my competitiveness, I have just decided to slow down (o.k., I am already going slow. Many people complain of my granny driving skills) and let who ever wants to cut in front me, do so.  It feels good to wave people by.  Many are surprised.
Especially the car behind me who honks impatiently ;-)

2.  In Medford Square, I noticed two bikers cross each others path and share a smile of understanding and comradeship. I couldn't see the thought bubble above their heads, but I imagined it saying something like, "Yeah, look at us, the cool dudes, saving gas, getting exercise, and getting to work faster than the rest of these traffic losers"  Well, they looked too nice to say losers, but you never can tell.

3.  In Porter Square, I watched a pregnant woman cross the street with two children clinging to her hands.  Each child, about five or so--they could have been twins, or friends, her kids or not,-- but each had a balloon tied to their wrist.  The woman looked so happy, with a look that said, "all is right with the world."  The children were adorable, proudly walking with their beautiful balloons, flapping in the wind.
Don't you remember the glory of a helium balloon when you were a kid?

4. I noticed a lot of faces in cars.  Some looked so worn down; others were animated while talking on their cells.  Some faces were creased with hard work or years, others sported shiny lipgloss and eyeshadow.  All those people going places, going somewhere, with lives as full and generous and painful and important and loving and empty and vulnerable as the next person's.
So much life.
So fragile and precious.
It's no wonder it is God's good pleasure to give to us the kin-dom.
Look at how much we all need it, in spite of ourselves.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

walk of shame.... the pharmacy, yesterday.
I am now officially labeled "high cholesterol" and must take a pill for it.

oh, I know it was inevitable. In spite of quitting pizza three months ago, and eating healthy and stuff.

it's in my genes,
both sides of my family.

but still...sigh. don't like it much!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


There are two people I know that are living with cancer.
1. A colleague, who is expected to recover, but is going through some heavy, heavy duty chemo.  Her reflections on being a cancer patient are thought provoking, raw, powerful.
Her blog is Holy Spirit Portality

2. A parishioner, who is not going to recover.   She has battled this monster since before I knew her--maybe four and half years?  She had a big bone in her leg removed, scads of chemo, had her leg amputated up to the pelvis, and was on chemo drug trials til this past June.  She and her husband built an accessible house near family, which they moved to a month ago.  She found out in June that the trials weren't working. basically, there is nothing they can do, and so she was referred to palliative care.  She isn't sick enough for hospice.  in fact, she is running the household now, caring for her children, unpacking boxes, walking the doggies. Her impending demise...and death is right in front of her all of the time. She doesn't blog, but her husband writes the most wrenchingly honest and soul baring posts on their CarePages website, which is an avenue for keeping up with friends and family.  It sucks. Of course it does. Does she blame anyone? No. Not even God. Don't get me wrong, she thinks the whole thing sucks, too...she is no pollyanna.  She is doing the best she can, in the way she knows how--which is pretty brilliantly, imho.

Both of these women are warriors. but in an amazonian goddess kind of way.  I am in awe, more than I can tell you.

If I were struggling with cancer (which, in actuality, according to family history and my present state of health, struggle with heart disease before cancer)  I could not be nearly as faithful, as thoughtful, as loving, as open, as real as these two women. They have allowed themselves to be peeled back, stripped of what is unnecessary to truly be...real, I guess that's the word I am looking for right now.

God. bless these woman-children of yours.
God. please. open be be stripped, to be honest, to know. You.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Jesus Sara Miles

I just finished "Jesus Freak" by Sara Miles 
I really enjoyed "Take this Bread" which is the story of her conversion to Christianity. En nouche (or in a nutshell)  just by wandering into a church to admire it's beauty, she began to observe the service, and when people were invited to the eucharist, she went up...and when she tasted the bread, she got it.  Christianity was about feeding people. So she started or helped start, I can't remember which, a food pantry at this church, St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopalian church in San Francisco.

"Jesus Freak" is a continuation of this story....she weaves in stories about Jesus, and her experiences with life feeding and caring for people. 

I find myself a wistful after reading her words...she is truly the coolest Jesus Freak ever...and the hard work of working with poor people, homeless people, feeding them and loving them would, I think, make you get the gospel in such meaninful ways.  I know I would love ministry like that, in the city....even though I know it is hard.  I loved the women who homeless that stayed at the first church I served--every two months, they would be with us for a week, in a sort of traveling shelter, if you will....they were the richest weeks of my ministry.

My prayer that I could find you, Jesus, waiting for me...tomorrow at worship...and everywhere I am called.  And if you want to call me to urban ministry work...hey, I am down with that. But for now, I want to see you and be you more where I am right now.  Make me a Jesus freak....
Open my eyes, that I might see....

Friday, July 23, 2010


I haven't played in eons. 
So here goes it:
Songbird writes:
Since I've been in the midst of a discernment process, I've done a lot of reflecting on how we make decisions. But don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to reveal a dark story about a poor decision, or a self-flagellating story about an embarrassing one. Let's keep it simple and go with five word pairs. Tell us which word in the pair appeals to you most, and after you've done all five, give us the reason why for one of them.
1) Cake or Pie
2) Train or Airplane
Airplane--every time I ride a train, I see mice. yewwww.
3) Mac or PC
Mac-although I have a PC.  I love Macs.
4) Univocal or Equivocal
I have to look up univocal, so I will go with equivocal
5) Peter or Paul
Can't there be another choice?  Like...I dunno, Dorcas?
Oh, see, I am out of shape. I'm only supposed to give one reason for one of them.  Hmm. Well. I chose pie because although I like cake a lot, you can have savory pies or sweet fruit pies.  It's all about the crust for me. whatever makes me love you more....

To whatever makes me love YOU more...
your smiles...
your friendships...
your notes on my blogs and
your facebook comments...
your phone calls...
teas and coffees and books suggested...
meals shared. break broken, wine spilt...
and your words...
of being mamas and pastors and spouses and of
broken wide hearts,
the tears that flow...
the irreverence...
the hilarity, the sublime, the depths...
all of these things
make me love you more...
and I am grateful...
for each of you.

thank you...for being blessing and challenge and love in my life.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

oh my. so happy.

too much to blog, because, oh, yes, I am out of practise!

Just want to make some notes...on...

doing my nephew's wedding.  priceless.

acceptance of my family of my love and my life.  more than priceless.

my sisters.  I adore all of them.

my mom, and cal.    oh.  so precious to my heart.

my home, north dakota...the land....hurts my soul, I am so at home and grounded here....

my dad. his emotion.   kills me.

my beloved. so supportive...and completely adorable. 






Wednesday, June 16, 2010

whazzup over here....

mini cooper puppy is growing big.  sometimes she is a Monstah Coopah, but mostly adorable.

the poodles do not in any way shape or form think she is adorable.

our neighbor, penny the pitbull mix adores mini cooper, but playtime has to be well supervised.  have to make sure penny doesn't get beat up or anything.

venus, our lovebug sheltie/border collie mix, at 16, still wants to try to walk around the block even though she barely makes it....

monday I flyered part of the route where the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is having an 18 mile walk on the 26 of June.  It is called "Out of the Darkness" and it is an all nighter.

I walked into a shop for brass fire place stuff and doorknobs and stuff in the North End...I began my spiel about being a volunteer for AFSP and he got a really funny look on his face, like, "what are you trying to sell me?" and I quickly said, "no, no, I am just giving you information, I am not trying to sell anything" and of course I read his face wrong.   He got up and looked at me and told me that he lived upstairs with his wife, who is debilitated with MS and that everyday she asks him to help her die.  And, that a close loved one committed suicide a year to the day I was standing in his shop.  I asked him if he had support.  My prayers are with him, and his wife and family.

We (my fellow volunteer) stopped to talk to some homeless people, to let them know what would be happening in week.  One guy shared that he tried to kill himself a month ago, and they put him in a psych ward, and two weeks later released him on the street with zoloft.   He thanked us for stopping to talk.

life is so achingly piercing sometimes, you know?


Monday, June 7, 2010

amazing grace...

we were having a sacred conversation on grace the other day.
I described grace is what pulls us towards Love.
how do you describe it?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

empty head, full heart

I stare at this computer screen...
With so much to say,
Without any words in which to say it....

I am listening to Lauren Bateman's debut album. 
I really like her voice...the timbre of it is how I feel right now, but I can't capture that sound in words.

Scattered. Yes. Scattered.
Touched in the very depths.
Just here.
Here. Working on  'being' but
here for now is good.


Friday, April 30, 2010

spontaneous road trip...

Got the weekend off.
Packing up the mini cooper and driving like crazy to our favorite place in the world...or at least one of them.
Asheville. North Carolina.
Are we nutballs?
But I miss my blue ridge mountains...
and can't wait to hug them again...
Whoo hoo!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

can't believe it has been so long....

...since I wrote a thing.  Gotta fix that.  However it sounds like a lot of my bloggy pals have had some sort of hiatus in blogging. 

There is a lot of noise in my life right now--figuratively and literally (the sexton is vacuuming right outside my office door).   So many things to think about and I am having a hard time LANDING so I can focus.  The mission trip last week was amazing, but I am still tired from it.  I could lay down right now and sleep for two hours.  But I can't.

We had a clergy group meeting today.  We talked about that article in the Christian Century about asking pastors they believe in God.  We thought it wasn't a great question--probably a more important question is how is your relationship with God? is your faith?    We talked about how we all have professional relationships with God, but what about the personal?  

There are two new pastors in my group.  Like, brand spanking new, right out of seminary, first call, just being ordained pastors.  Just sayin'.

Guess I can't focus on this writing thing either.

Praying for my focus.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Jonas Brothers at Saddleback on Easter....What say you?

Interesting post on progressive Youth Ministry blog.  What say you?  

Pajama party.....

At the preschool today.
We share the same hallway and bathrooms. They are also having a Dance Party. 
Too. Cute. I might have to join them. A little bunny slippered one is peeking around the corner watching me type. Melt. My. Heart.
Commercial Break over now.

I am, for the first time in my ten years of ordained ministry,
preaching my first sermon on Easter.

I just asked SP if I could.  SP is good at that...a different generation than me, it wouldn't occur to SP to ask the AP if she would like to preach on Christmas or Easter....but when asked, has no problem with it.  I like that. I know that I am fortunate in this way--that I know how to ask for what I want, need...and that I have a colleague that respects it.

And I am so happy the text is the garden text with Mary. 

But now, I need to finishe the communion liturgy, and then I can settle in to spending time in the garden with Mary and the Gardener.

Peace to you.....

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Trying to get inside myself.

I walked doggies in rain.

Stopped by pottery studio to check on crosses I glazed for an upcoming event. Not out of kiln yet, but got two lovely handbuilt funky chunky chalices out of the glaze kiln.

Did some phone pastoral care.

Spent two hours at the dentist. Not because there was anything wrong, but I am a new client and they were very thorough. New office for dentist. Very sweet person.

Realized that my teeth are middle aged now too. Great oral hygiene I have...but those fillings do wear out from child hood. Looking at some mild dental work.

Had staff meeting.

Ate 2/3 box of Thin Mints.

Didn't brush my teeth afterward.

Pondered Mary in the Garden.

Breathed deeply a few times.

Drank some lovely water.

Wrote a letter of recommendation.

Counted money.

Surfed Craig's List looking for cheap furniture for my CE Resource room.

Ready to go home.

Have a meeting. So can't go home.

Wonder who will get kicked off American Idol tonight.

Love the longer days, in spite of the sogginess of the earth right now.

Thinking about Jesus. Maundy Thursday. The Passion. Feels surreal to me.

Aren't I supposed to be walking with Jesus? Isn't that what pastors do?

I fear I am in the crowd right now. Just not in tune, or maybe I am but I am not comfortable with my tune.

I could drive myself crazy thinking like that.

Must create agenda for meeting.

Should finish communion liturgy for Sunday.

Maybe I will get inside myself later.

Off to agendasize.

And, oh, dear God. Thank you. Amen.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Can you help my youth (and me) get to Appalachia? (A Shameless Appeal)

Dear friends and family,
I have the incredible opportunity this spring to take 8 of my youth from Eliot Church on a mission trip to Appalachia to do home repair with the Appalachian Service Project. Boston and West Virginia are worlds apart, and I am excited that my congregation is supportive of this mission, and the opportunities our youth will have to not only serve God, but to be touched and transformed by the grace of God across economic boundaries and cultures.

We have been working hard to raise funding for this trip, and I have asked each of my youth to reach beyond our little congregation in asking for support for this trip, as an act of faith and courage. We still have $3000 to raise before April 17th. I feel strongly that I also need to do my part in reaching beyond , as well.

So, first, I am asking for your prayers and good energy for all going on this trip from April 17-25. Secondly, I am inviting you to share in this mission vicariously by purchasing stock in our trip! You can purchase stock shares in increments of $100, $50, $25 or any amount you choose!

When you purchase stock, you'll receive an official stock certificate signed by members of the Youth Group. And you will receive an official photograph of the youth at the Appalachian Service Project.

To purchase shares of stock, please complete the information
below and mail it with a check (payable to The Eliot Church of Newton; please write Mission Trip STOCK in memo line of check) to:
The Eliot Church of Newton 474 Centre Street
Newton, MA 02458
Attention: Elizabeth

If you would like to purchase stock as a gift to another person, just include their name and address.

OR, you can donate online with a credit/debit card, please click below. Note that this is a paypal account that is set up to receive donations. You do not need to be a member of paypal to donate-just follow the instructions on the left side of the page.


Mission Trip FAQ
Who is going on the trip?
Our entire confirmation class plus one more which makes 8 youth. We have two seminary students, a parent, and myself going as the chaperones.

Where are you going?
Lee County, Virginia to participate in the Appalachia Service Project (ASP) during spring vacation week, April 17-24, 2010.

What is ASP, anyway?
Appalachia Service Project (ASP) is a ministry founded by the Methodist church that fosters human development by addressing the housing needs of Central Appalachia. The goal is to improve housing for families in need, while offering transformational experiences for families, volunteers and staff. The repairs made range from the ground up to the roof -- ASP even provides first-time electricity and indoor plumbing for many families
It's a long way from Boston. What will our youth gain from this experience?
*The opportunity for meaningful service to others
*An encounter with a different culture and value system
*A chance to develop work skills
*An experience to enlighten us that our differences are only perceived-deep down we all want to be loved and belong, to create and own something worthwhile-regardless of where we live, our economic status, education, or ethnic identity

And most of all, to do the work of mission and justice as Christ calls us in Matthew 25!

Thank you so much!!! Love, Karla

Saturday, March 20, 2010


I can't believe how infrequently I have been posting these days. Things have gotten a little hectic, and I have been spending so much time at the computer doing administrivia at work, I am sick of it by the time I get home, or have a free moment.

I miss writing...and connecting to that inner space of thought. I will be back, though, collect my thoughts and get some of them out of me and onto the page.

So, even though this isn't really a post, it's a base-toucher.

And touching base is always grounding.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

stuff and stuff and more stuff

I've not been blogging lately. Mostly because I have been busy, and if I have spare time, I am more likely to run downstairs to work on pots, or walk dogs, or just meditate.

Or, maybe I have nothing to say. Oh, but I said that before, didn't I!

The next two weeks, my congregation will be discussing the outcomes of a dialogue process in regards to the financial future of the church. The dialogues were really quite successful--a lot of people attended the small groups, were able to articulate what they love about our church, and had an opportunity to ask lots of questions. There are still more questions that are unanswered--sort of "need more information before an informed comment can be made."

However, the next steps will be extremely difficult, because the next steps require some sort of action--an action to do nothing, and continue how we are for another year while more study is engaged; an action to cut staff and programs....or some permutation of these or yet to be revealed solutions.

We have a large endowment. We aren't going to run out of money tomorrow. But the congregation wants to be mindful, and responsible--as well as wants to be vital and vibrant. I respect all of that.

I know there is a possibility that my position might be cut--not totally, I don't think--probably reduce my position. If they want to cut it totally, they won't throw me to the curb. They are good people.

It's important for them to figure out how the church can live within its means. It's important, too, for them to ask, "What is it that God is calling us to do, to be?"

I won't be here on Sunday for the forum where people are invited to discuss possible outcomes. I won't be here Tuesday, when the coordinating council will draft recommendations/motions for the congregation to vote on the following Sunday. I'm going to Chicago with my beloved for a work thing--not me, I am going to play!

My colleague will be preaching, and it is likely he won't participate in the forum, as we know they will be talking about staffing, and people may feel uncomfortable speaking freely. He may or may not participate in the co-council meeting. (We are SO congregational!).

But we have been praying together, a lot, praying for the process, for God's wisdom and guidance to permeate discussions and decisions. We have been praying for our beloved church, who is bravely and thoughtfully stepping into this challenge early enough to really be care-ful about thinking sustainably about its now, and its future.

It's a lot. But I am so proud of the process...and I pray that in these next steps that people will continue in respectful dialogue with each other and about the church. There are opportunities for divisiveness. My prayer is that there isn't. There are opportunities to slice and dice at the parts of the church's work that is the most vibrant. My prayer is that doesn't happen.

I don't have a strong opinion on what they should do. I know, though, that God does. My prayer is that we all listen to our still speaking God.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

alive and dead

I've been feeling out of sorts the last couple of days. Not out of sorts in an angry way, but just in a general "walking through the fog of my life" way.

My unconscious certainly is affirming this. The other night I had a dream about a dream where I had severed my head from my body. Realizing that if that were true, I would be dead, and I didn't really intend that. So I prayed to be alive, which I was, but I still had my dead body and severed head to bury. First I buried the body. Right next to a sidewalk. Then, someone came along, so I grabbed my head, which was wrapped in a plastic bag. I had to wait for another day to bury the head, but I really wanted the head to be on top of the body, in spite of the severance. So I went back, and the ground was very hard...I scratched and scraped in the dirt, and was able to get a shallow place near the top of the body...I took the head, which now was simply the front of my face, like a mask, and tried to fit it in the spot, and cover it...I was scared to look at my dead face...and then somehow, a gardener came, and I realized the bones of my body had surfaced too, and I wanted to scoop up everything in a trash bag, because I didn't want anyone to discover the dead body and either label me a murderer (which since I was alive, I couldn't be dead) or I was worried my identity would be lost--that the dead body would be me, so then what would happen to the alive me?

I don't think I was able to rescue the bones, but after hiding for awhile, I watched the gardener plant seeds, and by the time it was safe for me to leave, there were beautiful flowing trees growing over my dead bones.

Dang. Jung would have a field day with this one, huh?

Friday, February 12, 2010

rugged greatness....

I just logged out of an online store, and they have this new thing where you can express checkout with a phrase.

My phrase was all about my rugged greatness.


But still, it sounds kind of cool. First of all, to have something computer generated that affirms my greatness sounds almost biblical. "You are my beloved..."
Maybe it is a message from God--whispering to me to remember whose I am and how much I am loved....

And rugged, well--brings to mind all of the wind-swept, outdoorsy gear from REI or Title Nine...looking great in spite of hiking 20 miles and paddling down the river for a day.

Rugged Greatness.
Meaningless and meaningful all at the same time.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Reading week with no reading.

So, I decided to take this week as one of my study/professional development weeks, of which I have two. My plan was to read several books, outline the upcoming women's retreat that I am leading, do some pottery, and relax.

I finished one book. Yay! I did some pottery--and will do more--yay!

But the house has been anything but relaxing as we are on the fourth week of the bathroom remodel. I get continual calls and questions--things that need to be tended to, and it's all noisy, and yes I can go to the coffee shop or something, but that isn't what I need. I need peace. Quiet. Me and doggies and kitties, you know?

Wah, wah, I know. At least I am off, and doing things I love.

Back to reading, and no more whining.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

chicken procrastination.

so...I really should be gathering an agenda for a meeting tonight, and finish up some other loose ends but why work so far ahead?

Back to chicken.

I cook for the dogs. First, it is more economical. Second, the less stuff added means healthier food, I think. Now, please note: I am a 90% vegetarian. I don't like meat, it grosses me out, and I have never craved it. However, if you invite me over to your house for dinner and serve me a piece of chicken cooked with love, I will enjoy it. Because, I want your love!!

For awhile, I was cooking ground turkey, because it was easy and not too gross. Then, I started to think about the hazards of ground meat, so I switched to boiling frozen chicken breasts. But then, how wrong is that? Chickens bred for their boobs? What about the rest of the chicken? So...this week, my conscience got the best of me, and I roasted a big chicken. Still not the best, humane choice because it wasn't free range, and the wings in proportion to other parts didn't look right, but it's the best I could do. Dogs are carnivores.

Picking apart the chicken about did me in. The dogs, however went nuts. They loved the skin. (yeewwww). Combined with some peas and brown rice---they have got it made.

I just wish there were a better way to live. I hate how our culture processes food--all food--the stuff in the grocery store. I wish I could do a Barbara Kingsolver and live off the land--well, I could if I chose to. That's not my point. I'm not sure what my point is--I am just amusing here....I just wish we all could (myself first) live more humanely and lightly on the planet, and with each other.

Thank you roasted chicken, for giving such delight to my animal friends.

God help me, help us, amen.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


While I was walking Fenway today along the Mystic River, my thoughts traveled around lazily...I would try to meditate, and then I started thinking about yesterday or what would happen later today...and then I would focus back on breathing, and then I would stop...and just stare at the snow coming down.

The snow today is perfect. Quietly falling from the sky...collecting, and then melting with just a swoosh of a mitten...

I thought about the hour I just spent from 7-8 am today...I just sort watched news, played with doggies, talked to the contractor, not doing anything with real intention or focus...just sort of being but not fully aware. Or maybe that is awareness.

I also laughed at myself as we trudged through the snow to get to the voting place...I thought to myself, if I were animal, I think I would be a sloth. They stay in bed (in the tree) all the time, and just come down to go to the bathroom. I think they eat up there, in those trees, too.
I could live life from my bed...I am perfectly content to laze around all day...stare at snow, watch birds, watch Ellen, read a little, scritch doggies and cats.

Anyway, what I was going to write about was chicken. I roasted a chicken yesterday for the dogs' food. I will have to write more about it later. So, chicken later, sloth now--or at least until I pull on those sneakers to do a little elliptical exercizing.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Penny the foster came to work with me. She is still here, in fact, while I write from my office. She is the best car dog ever. She loves watching traffic and pedestrians.....It's nice to have her around. Too bad she chases cats. With relish.

I don't have my pastor-goo going on today...I went to the hospital to visit a very dear, dear member who has been in and out and in out of the hospital all fall. Seriously, like every other week. She was obviously on a lot of pain medication, and I tried to find out from her what was going on this time---but she didn't know. She didn't know anything, except for where it hurt in her body. So frustrating, because I can't ask the nurses what is going on, I can't ask at the nursing home where she stays, and we are pretty much her family--the church. My colleague will be able to find out, but that isn't the point. The point is that I think that i totally did not meet her in the time of need. We chatted (well, I chatted), I read some scripture to her, and prayed over her and with her. It was fine, but I didn't feel it, you know?

And then the nursing home service just took it down to another level. Thank goodness there was another congregant with me to play the piano and sing the hymns. It just felt so straw-y to be going through a communion didn't seem to meet them where they are at. Again, it was fine. I didn't feel it, and I am not so sure they did either. Oh well. A day in the life of ministry.

Confirmation next. I'm keeping my fingers crossed to "feel it".

I went to visit a parishioner in the hospital today.

Monday, January 11, 2010

oneeleventwentyten. monday.

A home day for me. Am waiting for the appliance repair person to arrive to fix the washing machine, and waiting for the computer repair guy to call to schedule a tune-up and fix-up, am listening to the plumber upstairs pounding and squeaking away to get all the pipes up to grade and to code so we can re-commence with the remodeling joy. He's a good guy, the plumber. If we ever need one again (hah!) I would totally call him.

So, the doggies have been walked, the kitchen cleaned, mopped, scrubbed...I've run a couple of errands and now will run across the street to finish a load of laundry, play with Penny the foster dog....

And..then, exercise, then do some pottery and read and just chill.

Nothing exciting. I will say I am little down today--maybe it is just winter blues. I am glad the sun is shining, in spite of the cold.

So, a blanket of presence and warmth around me today. Help me live with intention and love into the gift of this day. Help me honor what is in my heart, but help me to also not give in to the low mood in a way that blocks me...but help me to be gentle with myself, aware, and kind.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Live Bright

The following blog post is totally lifted from my friend Jess' blog. You can go to her blog:
Click here or read it below. However, her post has an adorable picture of her daughter, living bright!

You are the light of the world
--Jess Wilson
But if that light is under a bushel, then it’s lost somethin’ kind of crucial

You’ve got to stay bright to be the light of the world

So let your light so shine before men

Let your light so shine

~ Light of the World, from Godspell


Godspell is playing on the television in our den – again. Kendall bounces past me – making her rounds of the room while watching the show.

“Mama, how do I be the light of the world?” she asks.

“What’s that honey?”

“How do I be the light of the world?”

I’m not sure what she’s asking me. I know it’s from the song that’s playing as we speak, but I can’t focus on the lyrics and I don’t remember the next line. Of course there’s no point in trying to guess when she’s looking for a specific answer to a question.

“I don’t know, Kenz. How do you be the light of the world?” I ask - mangling the English language.

She smiles as she answers, “I live bright.”

Script or no, the line gets me.

This child SHINES from within. She vibrates with energy. When she smiles, a river of warmth flows into the room.

As she watches TV, I watch her. I can’t take my eyes off of her, but I have to once in a while so my heart won’t explode. I swear sometimes it’s like staring straight into the sun.

When she’s here – when she’s really here – her eyes are ablaze with light. You can even see it in photos. Her eyes glow.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s the reflection of the flash. Either way, my child is proof positive for me of God’s existence.

I fold her into my arms on the next pass.

“Oh honey, child,” I say. ”You sure do.”

Monday, January 4, 2010

January 4...

Monday, Monday...
Wow. The holidays flew by me, and I can't believe I haven't sat down to just do some writing. Or blogging. I have decided, though, that I need to do more, because I feel like I have lost my writing edge--not preaching every week has seriously hindered what I used to do fairly well.

But, for today, I don't have much to say. My best thoughts seem to wake me up in the middle of the night...and when I remember them in the morning they don't seem nearly as interesting. Maybe that's why they are called dreams!

I am taking the day off...we have started a bathroom remodel and it is very, very, very loud and freaking all of us out--the animals and me. It's a little disconcerting to sit through the pounding and see your bathroom carried outside two five pound buckets at a time. Of course, when those walls come down, more issues emerge. Such as---thin walls, pipes where you hoped you didn't have them and no vents where you need to have them. That all adds up to: MORE MONEY and MORE DAYS without a shower. Go the the gym you say? Hah! I don't have a membership but perhaps this is the month. I hear there are specials.

January is looking like it will be fairly full and busy. How is that possible?

What else. Oh. Maybe this is TMI, but I thought peri-menopause meant menses less often. I am currently on a 20 day schedule. Can that be right? I find it a little irritating. Oh well.

OH!!! The biggest, loveliest thing of all is that Beloved and I celebrate 7 years of commitment TODAY. Go us!

Off to scavenge for lunch.