Cancer.

Currently,
There are two people I know that are living with cancer.
1. A colleague, who is expected to recover, but is going through some heavy, heavy duty chemo.  Her reflections on being a cancer patient are thought provoking, raw, powerful.
Her blog is Holy Spirit Portality

2. A parishioner, who is not going to recover.   She has battled this monster since before I knew her--maybe four and half years?  She had a big bone in her leg removed, scads of chemo, had her leg amputated up to the pelvis, and was on chemo drug trials til this past June.  She and her husband built an accessible house near family, which they moved to a month ago.  She found out in June that the trials weren't working. basically, there is nothing they can do, and so she was referred to palliative care.  She isn't sick enough for hospice.  in fact, she is running the household now, caring for her children, unpacking boxes, walking the doggies. Her impending demise...and death is right in front of her all of the time. She doesn't blog, but her husband writes the most wrenchingly honest and soul baring posts on their CarePages website, which is an avenue for keeping up with friends and family.  It sucks. Of course it does. Does she blame anyone? No. Not even God. Don't get me wrong, she thinks the whole thing sucks, too...she is no pollyanna.  She is doing the best she can, in the way she knows how--which is pretty brilliantly, imho.

Both of these women are warriors. but in an amazonian goddess kind of way.  I am in awe, more than I can tell you.

If I were struggling with cancer (which, in actuality, according to family history and my present state of health, struggle with heart disease before cancer)  I could not be nearly as faithful, as thoughtful, as loving, as open, as real as these two women. They have allowed themselves to be peeled back, stripped of what is unnecessary to truly be...real, I guess that's the word I am looking for right now.

God. bless these woman-children of yours.
God. please. open me...to be real...to be stripped, to be honest, to know. You.

Jesus Freak...by Sara Miles

I just finished "Jesus Freak" by Sara Miles 
I really enjoyed "Take this Bread" which is the story of her conversion to Christianity. En nouche (or in a nutshell)  just by wandering into a church to admire it's beauty, she began to observe the service, and when people were invited to the eucharist, she went up...and when she tasted the bread, she got it.  Christianity was about feeding people. So she started or helped start, I can't remember which, a food pantry at this church, St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopalian church in San Francisco.

"Jesus Freak" is a continuation of this story....she weaves in stories about Jesus, and her experiences with life feeding and caring for people. 

I find myself a wistful after reading her words...she is truly the coolest Jesus Freak ever...and the hard work of working with poor people, homeless people, feeding them and loving them would, I think, make you get the gospel in such meaninful ways.  I know I would love ministry like that, in the city....even though I know it is hard.  I loved the women who homeless that stayed at the first church I served--every two months, they would be with us for a week, in a sort of traveling shelter, if you will....they were the richest weeks of my ministry.

My prayer today...is that I could find you, Jesus, waiting for me...tomorrow at worship...and everywhere I am called.  And if you want to call me to urban ministry work...hey, I am down with that. But for now, I want to see you and be you more where I am right now.  Make me a Jesus freak....
Open my eyes, that I might see....
Amen.

RevGalFridayFive....

I haven't played in eons. 
So here goes it:
Songbird writes:
Since I've been in the midst of a discernment process, I've done a lot of reflecting on how we make decisions. But don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to reveal a dark story about a poor decision, or a self-flagellating story about an embarrassing one. Let's keep it simple and go with five word pairs. Tell us which word in the pair appeals to you most, and after you've done all five, give us the reason why for one of them.
1) Cake or Pie
Pie.
2) Train or Airplane
Airplane--every time I ride a train, I see mice. yewwww.
3) Mac or PC
Mac-although I have a PC.  I love Macs.
4) Univocal or Equivocal
I have to look up univocal, so I will go with equivocal
5) Peter or Paul
Can't there be another choice?  Like...I dunno, Dorcas?
 
Oh, see, I am out of shape. I'm only supposed to give one reason for one of them.  Hmm. Well. I chose pie because although I like cake a lot, you can have savory pies or sweet fruit pies.  It's all about the crust for me. 
 

...to whatever makes me love you more....

To whatever makes me love YOU more...
your smiles...
your friendships...
your notes on my blogs and
your facebook comments...
your phone calls...
teas and coffees and books suggested...
meals shared. break broken, wine spilt...
oh,
and your words...
of being mamas and pastors and spouses and of
challenges...
broken wide hearts,
the tears that flow...
the irreverence...
the hilarity, the sublime, the depths...
all of these things
make me love you more...
and I am grateful...
for each of you.

thank you...for being blessing and challenge and love in my life.

oh my. so happy.

too much to blog, because, oh, yes, I am out of practise!

Just want to make some notes...on...

doing my nephew's wedding.  priceless.

acceptance of my family of my love and my life.  more than priceless.

my sisters.  I adore all of them.

my mom, and cal.    oh.  so precious to my heart.

my home, north dakota...the land....hurts my soul, I am so at home and grounded here....

my dad. his emotion.   kills me.

my beloved. so open...so supportive...and completely adorable. 

oh.

blissed.

and

blessed.

amen.