I must admit.
I have caught myself doing what I hate...but at least I caught myself, right?
Here is the thing. I was watching the news, and Hilary Clinton's photo came up, and said to myself,
"ugh, I hate her hair. It looked so much better shorter."
Then, the other night, when Candy Crowly was moderating the debate, I looked at here and said to myself, "Ugh. Candy? Really? Spiral curls? Not a good look."
And then, I stopped.
If Candy and Hilary wear their hair long, curly, ponytails, who cares?
The other day, my colleague and I were at an event, and a young woman was dressed in a nice jacket and incredibly short skirt (as I think is the fashion these days). It was a young fashionista polished look. Here's the thing, though, she was a largish young woman, and the the short skirt , well, revealed a lot of heavy legs. I thought to myself, "Not a good look for you, honey..."
And then I stopped.
I reframed my thought, and said to myself (o.k. yes, I do talk a lot to myself....but isn't the perogative of middle age?), "Good for her for having the confidence to rock her look."
I don't know about you, but I feel like, as women, we need to support what is on the inside of our sisters. I need to be better at this...because we are all socialized to look at the outside in order to assess the whole person.
Don't get me wrong, I love to pick out clothes, I love to don my bracelets and earrings, and pick out lip-gloss. But if I show up wearing baggy pants, ruffled hair, and a shade of lipstick that doesn't really favor my coloring, it makes no difference of who I am on the inside. A strong, capable, proud, beautiful person with depth and integrity.
That's what I need to remember when I encounter people--go beyond the skin. To wonder at the inner life of someone. To think to myself, wow, "Candy Crowley, I wonder what it is like to be you right now--moderating a presidential debate! Did you ever think when you were 16 that this is what you might do someday?"
So, I am going to work on my inner-sexist critic thing. And celebrate confidence and character in women...and men.
And that's it for now!
We are so conditioned in our society to judge women by how we look. Think about some of the words you use with little kids - girls are conditioned from a young age to be attentive to be being "cute" or pretty. Anyway....that means, as you say, that we need to be attentive to what we think and say. It's kind of a discipline to work on our inner sexist critic thing (ISCT). So yay for you! I too like to look put together and do my thing. But sometimes I like to just show up in jeans, clogs, no makeup, and just be simple. It's my discipline to remind myself to like me no matter how I look. That helps me not judge others, too.
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