What I have been up to....

Can't believe I haven't checked in since Easter...
but Easter was really good.

As most of you,
the aftermath has been sorta crazy busy, but in good ways.

I had a mission trip with my confirmands to DC, led by the Quaker organization, Youth With a Mission, which was so, so, so, good.  It was transformative for my kids, and they really did make a difference.

Upon return, it was preparation for Confirmation Sunday, which was this past Sunday.  it was fantastic, and I have to say my sweeties had so much to say in their personal statements that moved us all. I am at the age, now, when I work with these kids, that I feel so...invested in THEM.  I feel motherly-pastoral-y.  I hope that is o.k.

Many things unbloggable right now....which is pretty much everything always with me...I fear  my heart is going to be broken...but then, that is silly, right.  Whatever happens, my heart has been full, so full, and so blessed....and the fear of the unknown is the fear of being dissappointed greatly.

In any case,
that is what is going on.

Goodnews....I get to hang out with some long distance friends tomorrow.

YaHOOOOO.
xoxoxo

alleluia, Love has risen.

The sun has awakened,
The birds are singing...m
I am sitting in the quiet of my office,
with my legs curled up on the love seat,
with a snuffling poodle on one side,
and a calico kitty resting on my arm.

They are the two eldest beings in the household.
I am glad they have chosen to be with me in the dusk of the morning.
These aged and wise creatures are my companions as I wonder about
the alleluias of this day...
As I stand looking at the empty tomb...

I long to be  as terrified and ecstatic as
Mary Magdalene, Salome, and mother Mary,
for Christ is not in the tomb,
which means
that perhaps,
Christ has risen,
perhaps
what he said was true,
that Love conquers all.

I may not run from that empty tomb,
I may feel more doubt than terror,
more disbelief than ecstasy,
but I do believe
with all of my heart and soul,
that Love will rise,
that Love has risen,
and that Love will come again.

Alleluia,
Amen.

holy, wholly Saturday....

In my current setting, we do not observe Holy Saturday.
But it still has a bit of a shroud over it, you know?

In fact, this space between Good Friday, and Resurrection Sunday, for me, is the most wistful.   It feels like how you feel when someone you love has either died, or moved away or moved on, and there is this hole in your life, a missing presence that gapes in its emptiness and permanence.

That's what today feels like.  I am thinking about Mary Magdalene, having been at the cross, perhaps been close by when Jesus was laid in the tomb, and the stone rolled shut, and he is just gone.
No more long conversations over dinner,
No more wondering what would come next with him,
No more anything.  

So final--and you don't really know what to do with yourself.   You want to tell someone how your feel, but that Someone is gone.

So, I sit, I wait,
with this huge hole in my heart on this Holy Saturday...
and I suppose this is what the
journey to wholeness
is all about.

Amen.

Disappointment

I am not sure if Jesus felt disappointment during his last days,
but it seems to be an appropriate sentiment
for the next few days.

At least, that is where I am at in my heart.
Huge disappointment prevails,
and I need to walk with it the next few days,
attend to it,
and not let it embitter me,
but allow it
to move through me,
rest in me,
and hopefully
find release.

I am not feeling forsaken,
but a bit of desolate abandonment
is spilled in little dank puddles in my soul,
the kind that don't dry up in the sun right away
after a rain,
the ones that  sit there, and get clogged with oil and broken bits of leaves and dead bugs.

A spiritual issue,
a spiritual pining and wondering...
and sadness.

May I uncover the Holy in this slog of journey the next few days.

Amen.