just a prayer

a prayer.
help me listen.
help me know.
help me be honest within.

help me HEAR you speaking.
are you speaking?
are you silent?

how to proceed?
how to know?

so many questions.
so many prayers.  

know this.
I am so ready, so ready, so ready....
for movement.
so that I can settle.

you have called me to this. well, at least I think so.
no.  This I Know.

what to let go of?

why has this been so....oh, I don't know.  complicated?  
maybe I am making it complicated.  

where is the dream?

dear, dear, dear One.
lead me
guide me....
and help me to know that it is You.

Amen.

a first love, a little tear....

Oh!
Some days I just ADORE what I get to do for a living.  

I took an elder from the congregation to an appointment today.    She has the most interesting story--she was born in Eastern Europe, and during WW 2, she was part of a youth resistance/revolutionary movement against the Nazis and Russians....so much so that she had to escape her country.   She is writing a book about it--I will let you know when it is available. 

What was sweet is that we were talking, and she was telling me a little about the rest of her story, and she mentioned that she fell in love before she left Europe for the U.S.   She said that he didn't want to emigrate, and a pause.

I leaned over and asked her, "Was he your first love?"  
And a tear rolled down her cheek as she nodded. 
"To this day, every day," she said, "I still think about him, even though it is o.k."

Sigh.  Precious, precious lives we intersect with, no?

well....

It turned out that the meeting I skipped yesterday was actually GOOD!  Oh well,  can't do everything all the time.  

Just back from our spring staff lunch--we went for Thai, which we always do.  We realized that out of the six of us, only three will be back in the fall.  Yes, times, they a'changin'


My time in the studio yesterday was interesting.  I have been handbuilding for the past four years, which means I haven't touched the wheel in that long.  Throwing is so much faster than handbuilding, but I like the wonky shapes I can make by handbuilding.   However, the past week or so, I have been thirsty to throw.

I forgot how WONKY my wheel is!   It is hard to center on it, because it skips a little bit in weird ways.   I threw a couple of bowls, a couple of cylinders.  I was wondering if throwing was like riding a bike--can you just hop on, and remember? 

Turns out, it's more like playing the piano after an absence, or jogging.  You can do it, but not that great. Everything takes practice...but I have to say it wasn't all bad.  You remember most of the basics, and you are rusty.      

I haven't preached in forever.    I won't preach until June 12.   That will be over two months.  I wonder how rusty I will be with that?

just a tuesday morning....

so I am SKIPPING a meeting this morning--"Day of Covenant"  where our conference minister meets with clergy of the association.  I have been to three FOUR of these--and they are typically the same.   He has a little ice breaker, then we sit in a circle and he writes down what we all want to talk about, and then he talks.   Then we have communion, and lunch.

Since I have two conference/association events on Saturday and Sunday, I think my time is better spent this morning getting caught up on Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwartzenegger's NEWS ,  Chaz Bono's interview on GMA, and thinking about Whitney going back to treatment.  (Hope she is o.k.)

I also want to get downstairs and in my studio for a couple of hours, and then off to the office after lunch.

I think Chaz Bono is amazing.  Good for him....and for all he is doing for people who are transgender.  

Hmmm, time for another cup of coffee.
Amen!

Sunday reflections...

So, today in worship,
the youth did a clown service under the great leadership of our seminary intern.  The youth love dressing up in clowning attire, and basically, the service is totally mimed, with a narrator.  They did a twist on the text of the lost sheep, where the shepherd goes after one, and then...the question we all have---what happened to the 99?   In the service today, they wandered off and disappeared.  Hilarious.  

We sang Beatles songs and Down by the Riverside.   The sermon was the St. Dr. Seuss story of The Lorax.   The clowns took the offering, and shared hershey kisses at the same time. They played Ode to Joy and Jesus Loves Me on kazoos.    They were awkward, wonderful, and beautiful clowns.  

It was lovely, and silly.  And deep.

I have to confess, as I get older, Mother's Day becomes more poignant for me.  I know I nurture many, I know that I am "mama" to many furry babies.   I share love, and caring....and am a mother in so many ways.

But I do mourn the fact that I have never given birth.  Our choice not to have babies.   I heard on the radio today someone who described parenthood as "mortgaging your soul" because it all rests on the happiness and well being of this person you have brought into the world.    And I know, too, that parenthood is one of the hardest and most difficult challenges of life.      If life circumstances had been different, I know I would have been an amazing and probably terrible mommy.  Both and.   Sigh.  This day, I admit, it is hard.  

Even though I celebrate all the ways in which I nurture...and the way in which we all nurture, and in the way our Mother God loves us.

May it be so.
Amen.

ah.

It's sort of scaring me, but I have about three hours of unstructured time this afternoon.   I am not sure how THAT happened.    Certainly, I have a lot to do--but it may be that I actually might do some filing this afternoon.  Sorting.  

Change is afoot.  My colleague is ending a sixteen year long ministry, and the weeks are counting down.  He is busy passing on information, things he has done, historical things, etc.   He is also enmeshed in so many details--he is a detail person extraordinaire.  I appreciate him reminding me of some future things--because it is for his comfort.  I already am on the ball with the future things.  I gently tell him that, and try to keep it all in context.  

In any case.  I am glad for a little respite of time--last week I was out every night.   

Wish I could meet some of you for coffee this afternoon!!

so it's a lovely spring day...

...here in Boston.
I have been slammed today with meetings, and I have a headache from thinking too much. Pondering.  In a minute I am going to jump in my car and head downtown boston for lunch at the Trident Booksellers Cafe with our seminary intern, and THEN we are going to go shopping for clown accoutrements.   Yes. I said clown stuff. 

Do any of you have clown services with youth?   

After lunch, I will come back over here to Newton and figure out everything I am thinking about--or NOT!

What's your day like?