a morning off....

I am taking this morning off.
You see, I commute across Boston to get to my office/church, so once I go over there,
I stay.

So, I am sipping coffee, got to see Lady Gaga perform "Judas" on Ellen, catching up on emails (o.k., so that is work, I know), reading blogs, and will need to exercise at some point.   I wish I could go to a Zumba class, but nothing close by.   That's o.k.

So, some of my favorite moments are like this.  Writing, relaxing, coffee, three doggies snoozing around me and one cat meticulously grooming herself.   The windows are open, the breeze is strong and even a little humid, and in this pause I realize how blessed life is.  

Then,
I go on--that I ought to be doing so much more with this blessed life.   I don't mean that in a self-deprecating or self-scolding way.   I mean it as a question, a yearning to live even more deeply and authentically in my call.  

The feeling of impatience overshadows me.  I am so ready to move ahead, start something new, be more of who I can be as pastor, preacher, fellow journey-er, seeker of justice and action.  I have been holding back some, because of the nature of my position as "associate" and how that plays out in my current call.

However, knowing that all we have is really the moment--I know I need to not be "waiting" until the spring program year is over.  How do I...dear Holy One, how do I agitate the now, how do I engage in empowerment and excitement...or at least open windows?  

How do I know how You are leading me?
Help me get it, help me be open to discerning and thinking creatively with the information and perceptions you put before me....
You know, feel free to Knock. Me. Over. My. Head....I can be a little dense, but what I really, really, really need dear One,  is clarity. and courage.   And open eyes and heart to see, to get what might be right under my nose.

This is my prayer.
Amen.